


As The Worm Turns

by Missy



Category: Burn Notice
Genre: Action/Adventure, Badass, Canon-Typical Violence, Cigarettes, Gen, Humor, Soap Opera, Television, Television Watching, Women Being Awesome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-24
Updated: 2014-12-24
Packaged: 2018-03-03 06:34:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2841488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missy/pseuds/Missy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam tries to convince Madeline to 'come with him to Disneyworld," but Maddie would rather teach Sam about her favorite soap opera.</p>
            </blockquote>





	As The Worm Turns

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AstroGirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AstroGirl/gifts).



“Mad, it’s time to go to Disney World.”

It was not a good time. Madeline had been sitting in her favorite easy chair, puffing away on a cigarette and enjoying her favorite soap opera. “Sam, I’m not leaving this house until Renaldo and Jacinta make love.”

“…All right, that’s gross, and this isn’t a waiting kinda situation,” Sam blurted, his eyes darting sideways toward her driveway. “It’s more like a run as fast as you can while we hope the Guatemalan snipers Mikey’s been tracking all week have bad aim situation.”

“If you can wait for Michael to finish with whatever he has to do, you can wait for me to finish my story. Sit.” 

“But.”

“Sit down, Sam.”

His expression was totally, completely priceless. It was as if she were the one holding a gun. He did exactly as she asked, double-bolting the door and creeping toward the couch, where he awkwardly sat right beside her. He seemed to quietly calculate the risk and worth of a heroic move, and decided that he could tackle her into the lap of safety if he had to even with distance between them.

Madeline lit another cigarette and turned toward her soap. 

Silence passed and the scene changed, showing a corpulent older man sitting behind a large oak desk. “So who’s that?” Sam asked. 

“That’s Antonio Carangi,” said Madeline. “He’s the richest man in all of Pine Falls. Renaldo is his illegitimate son, and he doesn’t like that he’s dating Jacintha.”

“Oh,” said Sam. “Why doesn’t he want his kid dating Jacintha?”

“Because she’s the daughter of his enemy. Bob Thomas, he was this by the books, straight as an arrow cop. Like Michael, with a terrible haircut.” She took another puff. “Someone shoved him off a cliff a few months ago, and nobody knows who did it. Everyone thinks it’s Antonio because he’s got a thing for Bob’s wife Elizabeth.”

“Wait, Antonio’s son is into Bob’s daughter and Antonio’s into Bob’s wife. That’s a little…incestuous, Mad.”

“That’s part of the fun,” she said, causing his eyebrows to fly toward his hairline. “Now watch, here comes Jacinta’s brother the priest. He has a secret baby with Bobby the hairdresser. He met her when he had amnesia.”

“And she’s didn’t have a problem with the whole priest thing?”

“Nope. She thought he was a simple carpenter named Jonathan Farrow…”

“Guess he fixed more than her house.”

Madeline grinned. “Now you’ve got the spirit!” Then a jock like figure entered the picture and she hissed. “Dennis, get off my screen now.”

“What did he do?” Sam clearly couldn’t imagine what the terrible deed might be.

“He,” Madeline declared, “poisoned June to get the Camembert fortune. He’s holding Jacinta’s sister’s baby prisoner in a Guatemalan nunnery, and the poor woman actually thinks her baby’s dead.”

“Sounds like one greedy SOB,” Sam said. “What’s he going to do if they don’t fork over the dough?”

“Probably kill his brother. Or marry Jacinta’s sister and kill her for the inheritance.” She shrugged. “Too bad for him he missed the last serial killer that breezed through town. That guy knew how to make murder fun, instead of frightening,” she gave Sam a pointed look and he cringed. “But the rating took a nose dive, so now everyone’s alive again.”

“How did they pull that off?”

She shrugged. “They stuck them on an island, said Antonio put them there so he could blackmail them for info on the waterfront property deal. Eventually John led a rescue mission and they all got off the island. Now they’re stuck with a huge plothole, because Sue got a tattoo of Robbie’s name while he was imprisoned. The stupid thing disappeared. The soap rags went wild for weeks…”

“Wait, soap rags?”

“Everybody who watches the show runs something,” Madeline shrugged. “It’s like one big happy family online. One that screams at each other and fights over storylines, but like a family.”

“Interesting. I feel a little dizzy, but it really is interesting,” observed Sam, trying to mask his amazement at Madeline’s stories.

She eyeballed him, taking one last drag from her cigarette before stubbing it out in a full ashtray. “There’s one more commercial break before the show ends. Why don’t I go pack a bag for ‘Disney World’?” The verbal quotation marks made Sam’s brow furrow. 

Madeline grinned anyway, heading for the bedroom. She had a pre-packed overnight bag – an unregistered phone, a handgun with twenty bullets in a satin floral cosmetics bag, two changes of clothing, some allergy medication, a bottle of ibuprofen and a flask filled with apple brandy. She took a quick swig of the latter before hiding it and zipping it again.

When she came back into the living room Sam was eagerly leaning forward, observing the soap with interest he tried to hide when she tossed the bag onto the floor. “Oh,” she said, as a young blonde girl threw her arms around a dark-haired woman. “You found Calliope.”

“…Calliope?” Sam asked.

“She’s the daughter of the mayor. A total kooky new-age bubblehead type. She has a weird thing for Alex Trebek and he showed up on the show once.” Madeline lifted her shoulders. “I don’t know. This show’s gone through so many different writers it’s absurd.” She shook her head. “It’s almost over.” She declared, shouldering the bag and shutting off her set. “I’m ready if you are.”

Sam didn’t notice what Maddie held in her hand – a very tiny detonator – until the blast went off, filling the house with smoke and sending a black-wearing would-be assailant screaming around the house, his hair afire.

Together, Madeline and Sam rose into the smoke from where they’d ungracefully landed on their rear ends. “Mad,” Sam sputtered, watching plumes of smoke fill the room, his eyes stinging from the pain, “is this my smoke bomb recipe?”

“Yep,” said Madeline.

“…You were trying to distract me the whole time so you could set off the bomb?”

She smiled. “You don’t hang around a family like this without learning some new tricks,” she pointed out. Then she reached for Sam’s hand. “Come on, let’s go!”

This time, Sam would be the one following her – and Madeline would lead grandly. 

And probably teach him all about Antonio and Patricia’s secret affair along the way.

**Author's Note:**

> You wanted Maddie being badass, and I tried to give you it! Sam decided to tag along a little bit, I hope you don't mind - and that the treat made you smile!


End file.
